New as of 4/26/99
Ok, It's monday :)
I got me a new Guestbook. :)
But besides I got a new bitch about last tuesday.
The news casters wonder where everyone gets to be so violent.
Well, maybe they should look to themselves.
When who watch TV have things we like to watch.
And when they interrupt them for their stupid special reports.
On shit they care about, like getting their faces on TV, and beating a story to death,
cause one person may not have heard it. Just this last saturday they made sure I
missed Pretender and Profiler, so they could do yet another special on the deaths
in Co this last tuesday. Well if all of them had been here in the flesh and I had a gun.
There would have been another blood bath. But instead of letting this rage out on others that did not
deserve it. I watch Star wars again and played Hexen to kill things.
But give me a break, I did not deserve to have my fun destroyed because they thought
what I would enjoy see move about kids killing kids. You know they also changed what they could
to make it look worse so they we would rubber neck at it. I can almost bet they made up half of it.
Well, Fuck it. As long as they shut up about it this week, I won't bitch. But hell, they even cut into
the
cartoons
last Tuesday and I live in Washington, it is not like it happened here. We could have waited until the
6 o'clock news to know about it.
New as of 4/21/99
MY RAGE
Littleton, CO - Two students in black trench coats swept through their high school with guns and
explosives in a suicide attack Tuesday that left as many as 25 dead.
Everyone is coming up with their own opinion of why they did what they did. Or how to stop this
from happening in the future. Well, so far all I have heard is a bunch of BS about Gun control, or
neo-nazi garbage, even on TV and Movies. Come on give me a break. OH, wait I bet in the next
few days they try to blame it on a book. Lets see which one could that be? Hmmm.. I would say
"Rage" by Bachman, or Steven King as you know him.
Why don't you try to teach your kids not to be mean to others. Why not trying to teach them
to love not hate. Parents want to blame the fact that they don't know shit about helping their kids
grow into adults on every one else. I am not talking about searching their rooms or making yourself
involved in their life to the point that they think your a pain. But, when they are young, say about 5-10
yrs old. You should teach them that every one has feelings the same as theirs, and they should
respect them. You should show them the love of a parent, and show them how to love those they
should hate. Make sure your kids see you as someone who has been there done that. Some one they
can ask for some help. Some one who might know the answers every once and a while. Watch how
they act. Pay attention if they are feeling pain. Just talk to them and listen for once in your life. They
are the most important thing in your life. Make them know you care and are not just there to pick on
them. They don't think that you know anything or care about them. And I do know that some parents
are just there to pick on their kids. They never learned anything else from their parents. But they
could change the future, by paying attention to the present. Break the chain.
One of the survivors said that one of the boys said this was pay back for last year. The kids
were outcast.
They did not wish to be cast out by their fellow students. Hurt and picked on until they wished to die.
To have no power to change the way others thought of them. Well, when that happens, you get two
kind of
people. Those that rise above others, and do not care what their thoughts are of them. That know
that their opinion is the
only one that should matter to them. And those who suffer and die inside. Who believes every insult
you thoughtlessly throw their way.
And allow you to destroy any hope for happiness in their future.
If you would just teach your kids not to pick on people for their differences or to
make themselves feel better. I thought this is what most people had religion for, but I must be wrong.
It
would go along way in stopping this kind of behavior as occurred yesterday. When you give a person
no other way then to harm to make their feelings know, then that is exactly what they do.
Happy Anniversary Babes 4/20/99
Well, people, we been together for a year and a month now. When we finally
get married I guess I will still try to say it every month. I know for now I will.
But, in the future I may get a little lacks in this ritual. :) All husbands do. :)
I Love You So Very Much Jenny. Time will pass fast enough. Don't worry! :)
Be careful. Be good. :)
New as of 4/21/99
It :)
I got the clock working :) I am trying to find a way to place a guestbook on this page.
I hope to have one very soon.
I will try to update more often. But I may get busy trying to learn Java and Java script.
OH, yeah don't forget COBOL, C/C++. Plus a few forms of magic and martial arts.
Maybe I am spreading myself thin, but hey I gotta be me. :)
Immortality is such a short step away :) HAHAHA
New as of 4/5/99
I miss my babes :(
I have not been able to talk to her for a while. I wish she would send me a Email or something telling
me what is up. She has shut down the sight that she had with a place for me to go. She has a new
Icq
that in the info appears to me that she has found another. I made promises. I intend to keep as many
as I legally can. Even though I now am dead, I will exist until the promises end their term. I hope for
the best, but believe that is something to much to wish for, so I will be spending some time playing
Diablo. For those of you who know me and wish to play the game with me, I will try to be there
from
6pm(EST) to midnight most nights. I will be in game jailbird. I will use the same password as I did in
games last year. Check for me there. Not a thing in my life has meaning without her. God I miss my
love. :(
New as of 4/3/99
Here is something new:)
I just realized that the piece of paper I came home with, says I can not talk with J.C., but that does
not say that I can't talk with J.J.C. It appears that they made a mistake :). That should piss some-one
off and make another happy :)
New as of 4/2/99
It is my birthday.
That is about that I have to say about it. It was no big deal to others,
so why should it be to me. I received a total of 3 cards. Email, snail
mail, and one was handed to me. Hell even my own sister forgot my birthday.
And the one person I believed would not forget. The one I wish to hear
from the most, did not even send me a email. :( Well, I hope this is not
a sign of future things with her. All my hopes and dreams are still aligned
with her. At least, as she had said they were in the past. I still believe
in the future we dreamed of but she may have had second thoughts. She has
not contacted me in any way in over 3 months at this point, and she still
has every right to do so. It is I that am not allowed to talk to her, not
her to me. Well, that is really it for now on this subject.
New as of 11/29/98
Some Thoughts on Love :)
I found something out this weekend and thought I would pass it along. When you love someone,
their happiness is the most important thing to you. To truly love them you have to give yourself
100%. Your thoughts and dreams, must take a back seat to their wishes, hopes, and needs. This
may cause you pain, but it is out weighed by the happiness it brings in the long run. I had forgot that
this is the
truest of things about love for me. The hard part of
this is that you have to change the way you think. This takes awhile, and
hopefully your partner is strong enough for you to change. What they need from you is change. What
you need from them is understanding that this takes time. But you always have to remember that
your wants and need are unimportant, even when they are saying that your need are important :). This
is the hardest part of love for me because I have these long
dead periods in my life where I have no one and my dreams are all that matter. If two people love
each other then there is a balance and each
gets what they need and dream about. I know my girlfriend is doing her best to handle my needs. I
also know she is having a hard time of it :( . I hope my girlfriend understand what I am trying to do
for her needs. That I am trying to grow and live at the same time. Remember people love is is the
hardest most rewarding Joy in the world. It takes work, lots of work for the two individuals involved
to become one in thoughts, dreams and needs. But the oneness that we seek is the only thing that
can make life worth the trouble that is living :). I hope this help others out there.
New as of 11/29/98
Reality? :)
Reality does not matter. It is how you perceive the world, not how others do. If everything you
perceive is illusion for other, but real to you, who is right. Your the one that has to deal with what
you perceive not others. If everything is illusion, including you, then it is all real. But if everything is
illusion and you are not, then you are a god and can control it. Or you are a prisoner in a warped
world that you call hell. Either way it is your to deal with as a life and no one can tell you how to deal
with it. But they can ask you to deal with it and not take the easy way out. :)
New as of 11/22/98
On the Bible :)
Does anyone else see the connection between the Myth of Panadoras box and Eve and the apple?
That the knowledge received by the bibles version of a story that was old when it was written by
man. Is just as bad for the human race as the the hate, temptation, envy, war, and despair, that
Pandora released in to the world. It is also just as good as the hope she released. But even thought I
see this problem with the story of Adam and Eve, with in the same story is still a great problem.
God, who by the bible is all knowing and all seeing. First did not see the problem of putting the apple
tree in the garden. Give me a break, but then God turned around and blamed Eve for Gods mistake.
Then right after they eat of the apple and hide in shame. How come the all seeing all knowing God
calls them and I quote. "But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you ?" "
Now I ask, why did God have to ask Adam where they were? Did this all seeing all knowing
God not know something? :)
And people ask what my problem is with the bible :)
New as of 11/21/98
Cold Season
It cold season again, so thought I would pass this on from a Doctor I know.
Sore Throat And Cold Buster
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Vinegar ( apple preferred)
1/4 tsp Cayenne pepper
1/2 glass Real Real Warm Water
Gargle - and only swallow one small glup after gargling.
Repeat ecah 1-2 hours.
If a fever presists, see your Primary care giver
This was given to me by a primary care giver :)
New as of 11/8/98
Personal Space
Ok, boys listen up! This is starting to be come a problem in the USA. Girls are not something
that are there for you to just do what ever you want with. They have personal space, it is their right as
a human being to have it. You can notjust walk up and sit on a girls lap, even if she has been a friend
for years. Or, lift up her skirt, grab a tit, put your hand on her ass, try to kiss them. You have no right
to touch them unless they tell you that you can. If you think you have the right with a girl, you have
not been steady with and talked with about what you have the right to do and not do, or even gone
with on a real date. You are so far wrong in your thinking that you should be shot. All the actions I
have stated before are rude and disrespectful. They show that you think that you are better then the
girl you are touching. This is not true. There is no man male or boy out there that is better then any
female on this planet. They mature faster, they think better. By the time a female is 13 years old she is
more mature mentaly and physicaly then a human male of 18. If you don't learn there personal space
of 2 feet or more. You are acting like a rapest in training. I think that any one who rapes a women
should, first be casturated, left that way for a year and then killed. No and if's or but about it. Get rid
of the pieces of shit before they do it again. :)
But this is my opinion, if you have another, leave it in the guest book I may copy it and place in this
page with credit where credit is do. :)
Oh, one more thing, you never have a right to have sex, no matter how much you spend on a
date. Master and Johnson say that 55% of boys 13-17 think that just by buying dinner they should
get laid for the price of a meal. This shows how sick this country has become, and makes me
sick.
New as of 11/6/98
Ok, I like every one I work with and I like the job I am doing. I have one bitch though. One of the
guys I work with, is like fifty something and set in his ways. He also won't accept the fact that he
needs new glasses. He tries to blame the equipment on things like, he can not cut a straight line to
save his life. He can not read the tape at arms lenght but that is cause the numbers are to small. Then
he will ask me to read the tape and I will be another three feet away and can give him the numbers. :)
Or the fact that he does not know basic physic or Trig. But won't listen to me about how to measure
for square on a wall or how to pick something up to not hurt himself. Why is it some many men are
so stupid. I know where I am stupid and I try to listen. But men do not listen and think they know
everything. I classify the male side of humanity into 3 catagories. There are boys, men and males.
This may be the only part of me that has any ego, but I am male. Males try to change, and be better
human beings. They listen as much as they can to others. They learn what love is and how to give it.
They try not to be self centered.
Where as a man does most of these thing in reverse. And a man thinks that the best thing to do on a
weekend is watch sports.
He thinks that personal space is only something he has a right to, and if he wishes to touch someone,
he has every right. He thinks that cuddling is something you do for a few minutes and fore play is
taking off your pants. :)
Now we come to a boy and you can only be one for the first 12 years in my book. Or until you start
find atraction to another, be it boy or girl. At this point you must learn to deal with others and their
feelings. If you do not you will become a man and be worthless in the long run, and I think should be
destroied. :) But it is my opinion and very few share it.
New as of 10/14/98
WHY IS IT?
Every one on there way home from work thinks that they are the only one on the road. They never
look behind them and they always go 10 mph under the speed limit. They are never in a rush and
others have to put up with them in no passing zones, doing 25 in a 50. but as soon as you can pass
they speed up. Then when they get to there drive way slam on the breaks like they for got where they
were going.
New as of 10/6/98
Does anyone else have this problem?
Every time things seem like there going right. And I am feeling good again, even on the verge of being
happy. Believing that I have a future again with out the threat of loneliness for the rest of my life. I
even got a new good paying job. Life has shit on me with all it could from the far heavens, or I just
get insecure and screw things up with the women I love. I look back through my life and don't see
how I survived it. I find myself wondering how anyone can like me? Let alone love me? And again I
am alone, I would rather die, but I made promises, I have to keep. It would be so easy just to put a
gun to my head and take away the consent pain. The ache that makes me cry my self to sleep. The
weariness that drags me down farther into the well of dispair. Then some comes along and makes me
feel better, makes me promises and I inturn make promises back. Then they break their promises
and I get stuck keeping mine. I can't break my word to them. And it always seems that this happens
as I finish with my promises. The cycle starts all over again. Am I in
HELL?????
New as of 9/21/98
Can anyone tell me why? People will promise to tell you things. Then they don't. Then you get
introuble for not knowing.
(Ex) Your rents decide you should clean the house as a new chore. They promised to tell you when
they changed your chores. But they leave and don't tell you. When they get home, you get the shaft.
How does this make sence?
(Ex) You ask your new girlfriend to tell you if you do something that pisses her off or hurts her
feelings. Cause you have had a problem in the with women telling you. She promises to tell you. She
lets things build up and tells you nothing is wrong. She tells you every day that she loves you with all
her heart. Then she just says she does not love you anymore and things are over. When she tells you
why she broke up with you. It is all the stuff that she was suppose to tell you. She says that this is
what was killing her about being with you. And you know she is right, you should have seen it before.
She does not believe you can change for real. But who's fault was it really? Should she give you
another chance?
(Ex)Your friend promises to call. You stay home, so not to miss the call. He does not call. So, you
call his answering machine and leave a message. He still does not return the call. This goes on for
weeks. Then when you get a hold of him in person. It is your fault for never being home. How does
this work, when you were home?
Can you answer this?
Why is it, the old one gets, the slower one drive. I would have thought, that as your time on
this earth got closer to an end, you would be in a hurry to get where your going. But, as anyone who
has driven behind an elderly person can attest, they drive slower the older they get. Would this be,
that they are afraid to get where they are going, because when they get there it might be the end of
the road? Or is this just a case of thier decline in abilty to react, so they slow down? Either way it is
a pain for drivers who try to do the speed limit.
Does any one know why they would put Braille on a
cash
machine?
Every machine that I have looked so far has had Braille on it. What
do the blind need cash machines for, it is not like they can see the screens.
I even found it on an machine in the lobby of a movie theater. I do not
see the point in that one at all. Yes they do listen to movies, but I would
believe that they would wait for them to come out on tape. That way
they my have some one stop the tape and tell them what has happened in
the action on the screen. So, is this Braille just stupidity or taking
P.C. to far?
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